Okay Mama, Give Yourself A Break AND A New Perspective.

I had a mini epiphany last night; something I wish we all had the time and mercy to experience more often.
What was my epiphany, you ask?

In a nutshell, it was that we are far too hard on ourselves as parents and/or educators. Duh, right?! Well let me give you the scenario and it will make more sense.

Yesterday morning I could NOT stay awake. Yeesh. I was SO sleepy I couldn’t keep my eyes open. My daughter wasn’t exactly bouncing off the walls either, honestly. So we got ourselves dressed, miracle of miracles, and then found ourselves in the big recliner watching 5 Minute Crafts on YouTube on my phone…aaall morning. *facepalm*

Yes, I know, I unschool. And a hard-core unschooling parent might say that if that was where my daughter’s interest was that day, then great job! But I also know my daughter is easily addicted to YouTube videos and then gets the grumps from screen brain. So I don’t just let her screen time herself into oblivion. Lol.

However, yesterday she was snuggled up on my chest like she used to do as a baby, and she was cozy and I was getting a little snooze cuddled up with her. But each time I woke I had mommy guilt about what we were or were NOT doing.

Then I felt her warm little body and the smell of her hair and let her watch a little more…until it was lunch time and I HAD to get us up or risk feeling MORE awful as a parent and having a grumpy girl.

But you know what? As I was working on some word puzzles for a freelance client last night, something sparked an ‘Ah-hah’ moment for me. Next time I must not see that time as ‘wasted’ or as a way to form bad habits, but enJOY that time and embrace it!

Why? Because I was connecting with my baby. My 6-year-old baby. I sat there last night and out of seemingly nowhere the thought hit me that I would have LOVED if my mother had more time when I was growing up to just let me snuggle up on her and watch tv (no YouTube in the 80s..lol) in that warm, safe, embrace. My daughter just HAD that. In fact, she’s asked for that a lot in the last few weeks.

How many of us…all of us…would have loved to have more of that kind of time with one or both of our parents or grandparents as a kid? It’s THOSE memories my daughter will smile and remember.

And honestly, I adore them even more because of who my daughter was as a toddler and pre-schooler; she was not a cuddly little one then because she was dealing with her Sensory Processing Disorder and her easily overwhelmed HSP personality. Now she has a better ability to handle those aspects of her person and wants that physical connection with me more. (It doesn’t hurt that I’m in a better mental space now too.) 😉

So what’s my point?

Perspective. And connection. Research abounds in how a healthy attachment to at least one parent correlates to better mental health and success later in life. Too much screen time? Yeah, research shows some negative correlations for sure, but nothing so determinate long term as that of a healthy parental connection.

Not to mention, one of the biggest goals of unschooling as a philosophy is the opportunity to connect with your child/children in a much deeper sense than we often have the opportunity or time to experience.

My mother worked from home when I was young, and even as a child I knew how lucky I was to have her there. But she was busy when she was home, so I got a hug and even a chat whenever I needed one, but she has said many times over the years how much more she wished she could have been actively engaged with my brother and I.

Because of the generosity, sacrifices, and understanding of my family, I have so much more time with my daughter than many people do. But what do I find myself thinking about? What I’m NOT doing for my daughter. What I SHOULD be doing for my daughter. Activities, stimulation, ‘learning’, etc. Things our society deems important. Things that ‘look’ like important learning activities. Things the general ‘they’ wouldn’t chastise me for doing.

Well bologna to that!!
What do humans need more than anything? Connection.
What am I chastising myself for? Connection.

I may not have been intellectually connecting with my daughter, or even doing anything but staring at a screen with her (when I wasn’t dozing off…lol). However, I WAS connecting with her in a very important way.

Happily providing a physical connection with her that made her feel loved, safe, heard and empowered (she requested it and chose the videos), important, and at peace.

This is priceless! This is what she knew she needed. This is something she can never, ever ‘learn’ in an intellectual way, but must simply experience.

SO, mama, papa, grandma, grandpa, aunt, uncle, dear friend, whoever might be reading this: perspective. It’s ALL perspective.

What would you do if you could slow life down and just BE? What would you do with your CHILD if you could just BE with them? Maybe you WOULD do that if it wasn’t for the ‘shoulds’ and ‘oughts’ in our heads.

Eat ice cream for breakfast if that’s when you have time to be silly with your little one. Watch MORE screens if that’s how you can snuggle with your little. Let them stay up late and eat popcorn over a silly movie while you snuggle in a blanket fort, if that’s when your schedule allows the time.

Let go of the ‘tsk-tsk-ing’ old grump in your head that society has grown there for you. Break the ‘rules’ to give you and your little the most important memories you can make – connection.

I know, I know, it’s easier said than done. But now I have this post to remind ME too. Do or say or make something to remind YOU that we place far more burdens on ourself than we need to, trying to be the best for our littles. They need little more than our undivided attention, even if sometimes that looks like being half-asleep under their curled up little body watching crafting videos.

It will rejuvenate you as well! Trust me. Once I let go of the ‘should have’ guilt, I truly appreciated that time and my own memory of her little warm body encompassing my torso like a much bigger version of her baby body asleep on my chest nearly 6 years ago. So next time, stop and soak it in knowing you’re doing simply marvelous…daaaahling. 😉

*Author’s Note: If your brain needs a ‘professional’ to tell you these things, hop on over to my About page and relieve yourself. I’ve got all the qualifications necessary to tell you, as an Educator and Educational Researcher, that the importance of connection is both my personal and professional opinion.