Ugh. Money is NOT the root of all evil, but it sure feels like it sometimes. Okay, maybe even most of the time in recent years.
However, if we look at the true ‘culprit’ in all of this, it’s not money but people’s mentality and relationship with money that can cause the ‘root’ of ‘all evil.’ Money is just paper and ink; a promise of trading one asset for another.
The earliest form of money could have been berries or sharpened sticks for all we know. For the earliest humans that isn’t out of the realm of possibility. Those would have been useful assets in which to trade for something else.
What do you think the cavemen used for currency?
Learned Behavior
So why are so many of us emotional, mental, or even physical slaves to this rectangular form of paper and ink? Because we LEARNED to be. One way or another, this is a learned experience.
We did not emerge from the womb with any desire to do anything with money other than stick it in our mouths in case it was food or felt good on our teething gums. Society, personal lack or fear of lack, our parents, our friends, our own traumas, media, all aided in our relationship with money. And mine, well it’s a clusterbomb of each of these.
Just so you know I am as vulnerable as you may be in this situation, here’s a brief synopsis of my own personal tangles with a money relationship.
I grew up with one hoarder/spender parent and one reuse/saver parent.
The spender parent also put the onus on the saver parent to figure out how to pay all the bills that the spender parent racked up.
As the observant, highly sensitive kiddo I was, I felt, saw, and internalized how that dynamic played out:
Rummage sales to pay the bills.
Careful choices at the grocery store that meant rarely me or my brother got something we wanted even if the saver parent wished we could have it too.
Saver parent running two at-home businesses to try to pay the bills and still be there for us when we got home from school.
My brother and I learning at an early age about budgeting and saving…me pushing back as I dealt with the scarcity mentality already instilled by the consequences of the spender parent.
Resentment towards the spender AND the saver parent for what I didn’t understand coupled with expectations that felt unfair.
Watching the saver parent sacrifice personal needs or desires to pay bills from the spender parent.
Watching the spender parent spend MORE to buy presents for the saver parent…that the saver never wanted or wouldn’t even like.
You get the idea.
So what kind of money mentality comes from such a dichotomy in financial role models?
A crappy one.
LOL.
Toxic Money Mentality
I have always had a desire to save. A dream of financial freedom. To never again feel the anxiety of living with financial anxiety, paycheck to paycheck, or being in debt.
Yet, I also struggle with a toxic see-saw of saving and paying off debts by being frugal and working hard…upended in spurts of anxiety or scarcity mentality by overspending on rationalized ‘necessary’ or ‘helpful’ items.
I’m too ‘level-headed,’ or maybe just anxious, to have done anything seriously irresponsible. But that doesn’t make it okay. It also makes my relationship with money SO much WORSE when overspending occurs.
It’s a vicious cycle. Save, pay off debt, get to a good balance. THEN, topple the balance, incite self-blame and guilt and let-down. Repeat. Any of this sounding familiar?
My goal here, by the way, is NOT to garner your pity or comfort. Even my therapist doesn’t do that. lol. (Yup, I said it. Therapist. Let’s normalize that while we’re at it.)
I share these experiences in an effort to help others who struggle with similar issues. To eliminate the idea that we think we’re the only one struggling with a toxic money mentality or that we should be ashamed to admit our issues.
I also share to normalize things we don’t talk about in an effort to bring us together, as opposed to feel so apart.
SO! Back to where I said HEALING a toxic money mentality.
science is affirming
It took me a LONG time to come around to the idea of affirmations. By nature, I am an optimist with a huge imagination. But I also have a debater brain.
Affirmations always seemed like a lie, and lying to myself….well THAT seems unhealthy. However, once I learned the science behind affirmations, I could muffle that debater part of my brain.
Because if you are unaware, the research is clear that affirmations work.
The tenet behind affirmations is a widely accepted, well-established psychological theory called the self-affirmation theory, coined by a man named Steele in 1988.
Since 1988, numerous empirical studies have shown that we can maintain our sense of self-integrity by telling ourselves (or affirming) what we believe in positive ways. This consequently creates paths to our goals (Cohen & Sherman, 2014).
*If you want to know more about how affirmations psychologically work to produce results, there are some great explanations and even tips for starting to use affirmations yourself, here at PositivePsychology.com
change your mind, change your life
I still can’t seem to bring myself to affirm something like ‘I can buy anything I want,’ because that is literally untrue. But I think that goes back to what Cohen & Sherman (2014) explain about affirmations having to relate to our core personal values…or in this case going AGAINST one of my core personal values. (You can read more about this at the webpage I mentioned: Positive Psychology.com.)
Also, I would warn many of you to watch out for a negative feeling towards people with money.
Something in many of our pasts, or maybe even thanks to our social environment, has caused many of us to have a buried resentment towards people with money that we may not have even been aware of. I did and I am working on uprooting that.
Never would I have guessed it, but once I owned this negative reaction to people with money I realized when it took root.
Mine happens to have started with the spender parent’s idea of what they felt was ‘owed’ to them but never received…and often vocalized such when I was young. Sneaky little buggers, those seeds that get planted when we are young.
recognize it, own it, affirm it
It’s the sound of realization.
I had been doing pretty well with financial concerns, lowered my anxiety, tackled some ‘demons.’ Theeeeeen that crazy see-saw unbalanced again last year. Unforseen repairs and expenses, the ‘law of threes’, emotional stressors, American holidays, etc. created a perfect storm and tipped that teeter-totter.
So, I had to STOP and ADDRESS this. I could see my financial situation taking hit after hit and my mindset growing more anxious…until I realized my mental focus was constantly negative in regards to money.
DING DING! DING!
Like it or not, focusing on negative aspects of something (yes, even money) just tends to make more negative things happen. (Ask any competitive athlete if you need confirmation on positive vs negative mentality.) Thus, I needed to change that, STAT.
A no cost option for changing that mental focus?
Some kick-ass quality affirmations.
affirmations for financial freedom
I created four FREE affirmation lists focused around financial freedom and posted them in places where I tend to worry about money, debt, bills, etc. I am going to HEAL this money mentality, baby! Surround myself with money positivity till it soaks in, damn it! (I have a stubborn brain, lol.)
Why don’t you join me?!
Click on the following buttons to download each list you see in the slideshow above.
Just save the images where you can look at them whenever you want.
OR print them out and post them where you often start worrying about money.
OR if you have a morning routine, repeat one affirmation to yourself like you MEAN it.
OR write one in your daily journal or planner to see each time you glance at your to-do list.
MAKE your brain see the affirmation, repeat it, and subconsciously think on it.
let’s do this together!
The affirmations I used here were adapted from a long list of financial affirmations I found from a wellness coach named Afam Uche. Her affirmations simply resonated more with me than some others I found. However, you may be different, in which case do a Google search till you find some that work better for your needs.
So here we go.
It’s FREE, ready for you to use NOW, and I will be doing it WITH you.
I hope these affirmations help you start on or continue a journey to a better relationship with money. SO many people in the world indicate stress, anxiety, and even health issues related to money, so I KNOW I’m not alone in this.
Let me know what you think! Tell me how it goes! Give me an affirmation that really works for YOU. Comment below, or send me a message through the Contact page. I’d love to hear from you.
one more thing
I want to make an important footnote here for clarity’s sake.
I am NOT saying that poverty can be solved with affirmations.
I am NOT saying that wage inequality, financial inequities stemming from historic racism, etc. can be solved with affirmations. These are important yet complex social issues that must be countered from the foundation up.
What I AM saying is that a positive mentality and healthy relationship with money can provide mental peace and an openness to opportunity.
Good luck my friends!
Cohen, G. L., & Sherman, D. K. (2014). The psychology of change: Self-affirmation and social psychological intervention. Annual Review of Psychology, 65, 333-371.